A Year Ago

i swore that was yesterday, i swore it was over.  twenty minutes ago i was ready for change, i was ready for new.  now a trigger has me back in the black hole, only making me realize how deeper ive been sucked into the hole.  the pain i feel is a mix of regret and a mix of wishing that this was exactly a year ago.  when we first started blooming and i first started becoming happy again.  but this is 2008 and the pain and joy from 2007 is just a memory.  you changed me for the better but the situation im in now has changed me for the worst.  i guess its better to know love and ache from it than not know it at all and feel empty.  personally, i feel a little bit of both.  empty because you’re gone, aching because i knew the love you once gave me.  my mind is stained with “what if’s” and wishing i took earlier action.  Maybe if I wasn’t so stupid to let you go we’d both be happy now.  I wouldn’t put you through the pain she’s putting you through.  But you’re mistaking that pain for love.  I want the feeling back from a year ago.  I want my life back from a year ago.  I want the old you back from a year ago.