that reminds me of “it started on a chair” from juno.
im reluctantly writing in fear someone will see this. but this all was too good so i couldnt resist.
while we’re making connections with movies, i might as well make another one. in p.s. i love you, hilary swank knew if it was right from the kiss. that happened with me and a hug. it wouldnt be a kiss, because i think he still loves her but i can deal with that. im just happy it happened.
i wasnt nervous and i wasnt excited. not in a negative way that the statement might have come off. i wasnt excited because i knew exactly how it would be. it would be like simply seeing a great friend who ive seen thousands of times before. but in all reality it was like seeing a great friend who im seeing for the first time.
in actuality, it was natural. it felt right. i could just sit back and talk, laugh, reminisce, knowing you’d be right there doing the same thing. ive gone through so many emotions with you within the past year, and yet i met you not even 4 days ago. i wonder what the future will hold, but i know it will hold something, because God sent you to me. You are one of the best things that has ever happened to me. How can i say this when i’ve only met you once? its just one of those things nobody would understand. but thats okay, because nobody needs to other than us.
we sat there and lost track of time. what seemed like 10 minutes happened to be almost 50. i wonder if you know how much you need to me, and i wonder if i mean to you nearly half that amount. it was reality but it was still seeming as if it was fantasy. because in a way it was fantasy.
last night reality hit. and it hit hard. im afraid to forget and im afraid to move on. im afraid to come to terms that nothing could ever happen. well, never say never. i say that to keep myself up. because in the perfect world, we could be, well, something…friends. im afraid that it didnt mean anything to you. why do i bring myself down? i know it did. i just dont find myself worthy enough to admit it. im afraid to tell you how i really feel. im afraid to tell myself how i really feel. it just doesnt seem real.
i have a picture of the bench and i look at it often. i took it about 3 hours after. everytime i look at it feelings of happiness, laughter, nostalgia, and sadness come over me. i hope it can happen again. if it cant, it will be devastating but at the same time, im amazed it happened. we pulled it off, boy. it finally happened.
between you and me, i never wanted to let go. i never wanted to go inside. i wanted to stay on that bench the whole night, and i wish i did. damn, i wish it lasted longer.
